Confused and blah, the two words that have become my two new best friends since I've been home this summer. Confused is a constant companion, never leaving my side. It clings to me, and almost gives me a sense of security. On one hand, it makes me desire to explore life more, to dig deeper to find meaning. Other times it just leaves me tired of searching and never finding, leading me to my next friend.
Blah hasn't been as faithful in it's companionship. It seems to overshadow me right after I've worked out in the morning; right before I start the errands... the important things I have to do in the day. Blah makes me lazy. It says, "Oh, just go take a nap. Watch some tv." And much worse... "Go eat something! It'll make you feel better." It never does. It always makes me feel worse. When I begin to feel useless, unappreciated, and lonely, Blah comes running up to me, tackling me, and growing to a size that completely consumes me. So there I lay, blah smothering me like a blanket, and I stay there until a sunset, my dad, or something I've read drags me out of it. I know they're all employed by God.
I feel guilty for harboring these fugitives sometimes. They used to be strangers, but now they have become close friends. I'd rather keep them at a distance.
Barney from How I Met Your Mother often says, "Do you know what I do when I'm sad? I stop being sad and be awesome instead." Wherever this delusional world Barney lives in is, I want to move there.
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