To Whom It May Concern

Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you ought to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
Ooo the way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh
The way your kisses taste
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do, How I do
I've missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh I missed you
I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to
Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently

-The Civil Wars 

I could tell you a million reasons why I love this song, and The Civil Wars, but I think I'll let you decide for yourself. 

Still

"When the going gets tough, the tough BE STILL." -Jim Moon

I've had this quote written on a random page that's been stuck in my Bible for almost a month now. And every time I open my Bible, it seems to fall open to this piece of paper. I get so busy and so wrapped up in my own life that often I forget to put a hold on everything and just be. After all we're human 'beings.' Not human 'doings.' Right? Right...? Even today I was frustrated with myself because I don't feel like I'm doing enough. There are still two more weeks until I leave for college... and I literally have almost nothing to do. I've been filling most of my time trying to convince myself that I can paint... and failing. I always forget. 

(Another quote on the same piece of paper from the same person... during the same sermon. By the way, my hometown pastor is just the best!)

"We don't have to be ANYTHING but HIS." -Jim Moon

With all the pressure I put on myself, and all the pressure I let others put on me, I never remember. I'm always feeling like a failure. I'm not good at anything. Heck, I don't even know what I should do with my life. But wait... I just have to be His. God's. And really, isn't that the best thing? Ever?! 

Put Your hand over my mouth

Help me be quiet for a while

I talk so loud that I can't hear you

I blabber on just like a child

I worry about everything

Even though you know the end

And I can't seem to stop by busy life

Even for you, my closest friend

I want to be still

And know all that you are

I want to be still

And linger in your presence

I want to be still

And listen to your still, small voice

I want to be still

Still

I like to think that I am tough

I can do it on my own

But I end up broken and bleeding

On my face again before your throne

I want to be still

And know all that you are

I want to be still

And linger in your presence

I want to be still

And listen to your still, small voice

I want to be still

Still

I will be still

For you are God

I will be still 

For you are holy

I will be still

For I am Yours

            -Emily Weed 

I have this friend...

You see, there's this girl
She's not my actual sister, and yet she is at the same time
Our relationship is beauty that came out of a bad situation
A friend of a friend became a friend of a lifetime
God had us planned
I call her Kit-Kat, and she calls me Eminem
M&M's are her favorite candy--Kit-Kat's are mine
She and I can talk for hours
We spent an hour in the bathroom one night;
we got distracted while brushing our teeth
God distracts us all the time
We talk about Him the most
Kit-Kat is spirited, free, alive
She fits my family like the bottom sheet on a bed
She's been adopted even by aunts, uncles, and grandma
Even my dog, who she named Liberpee-pee
We go on adventures
Kayaking, climbing, riding
We sing to each other, we sing together
She's better than a boyfriend
I guess I just love her

Confused, Blah, and Barney

Confused and blah, the two words that have become my two new best friends since I've been home this summer. Confused is a constant companion, never leaving my side. It clings to me, and almost gives me a sense of security. On one hand, it makes me desire to explore life more, to dig deeper to find meaning. Other times it just leaves me tired of searching and never finding, leading me to my next friend.

Blah hasn't been as faithful in it's companionship. It seems to overshadow me right after I've worked out in the morning; right before I start the errands... the important things I have to do in the day. Blah makes me lazy. It says, "Oh, just go take a nap. Watch some tv." And much worse... "Go eat something! It'll make you feel better." It never does. It always makes me feel worse. When I begin to feel useless, unappreciated, and lonely, Blah comes running up to me, tackling me, and growing to a size that completely consumes me. So there I lay, blah smothering me like a blanket, and I stay there until a sunset, my dad, or something I've read drags me out of it. I know they're all employed by God.

I feel guilty for harboring these fugitives sometimes. They used to be strangers, but now they have become close friends. I'd rather keep them at a distance.

Barney from How I Met Your Mother often says, "Do you know what I do when I'm sad? I stop being sad and be awesome instead." Wherever this delusional world Barney lives in is, I want to move there.