Dandelion Surprise

"You're really hard on yourself."

The woman's words forced me to stop. What? I thought. No, I'm not. I'm probably not hard enough on myself. I have good grades. I make sure to keep my laundry done, call my parents as often as possible, be there for my friends, keep a smile on my face stay on top of my homework, and work out to have the perfect body.

"You can't be perfect."

What is she talking about? Yes I can! Wait, no I can't. Where did I get the idea that I could? 


The clouds have been hanging around for almost two weeks now, not helping my mood very much. I stand, stretch, and look around. Not a mountain in sight. I miss home. The hills here make me feel trapped. At home, I can see for miles across the dusty valley. Here, I can barely glimpse the highway--only 1/4 of a mile away.

The rain starts. Washing. Cleaning. Renewing. I wish it would rain more often. I don't tell many people that. It's sunny and raining right now. One of nature's best tricks. I close my eyes and enjoy the warmth of the sun mixed with the cool wet drops that fall all around me. I can feel the soft dandelion weeds under my feet. Everything smells so fresh.

"Mom, I don't want to grow up."

"Em, I think you already have."

Ugh. No thanks. I didn't ask to get older! I didn't ask for responsibility, or to have all these emotions. I just want to be a little kid again. Not care how I look, or what anyone thinks of me. Innocence. 


Everything seems to be looming, waiting to crash down, and waiting for my decision. The fate of the world suddenly seems based on how I spend my summer, what college I attend, and what major I choose. And who made it this way? I did.

"Change is good."

I like things just the way they are God, thanks though. 


A book I'm reading tells me that I can't grow without changing. I need to trust where God is taking me, and be content with not living in my comfort zone. But I don't. I'm not. I prefer order. My idea of an adventure is a planned mountain climb, or a planned backpacking trip. I like knowing what to expect, and not being surprised.

But you know the plans. So since you're the pilot here, the guide, I guess I have to be ok with not knowing what's next, with not understanding everything that happens. But I'm still scared. 


"Life's an adventure. Are you ready to live yet?"