waking up

And do you feel that resilience way deep down inside,
though your bones may ache and your head may pound,
that there is still more to see, more to learn, more to do,
That You won't be defeated lying down.

sick day

I skipped clinicals today. Well, I didn't skip... I was excused. I woke up sick this morning and made the executive decision to call in to my instructor and sleep off the pounding headache and the itchy sore throat. When I opened my eyes again, it was 10:30 a.m. and the sunlight was filtering through my blinds. I lay there looking across the peaceful quiet of my room. Everything was in it's place.

Being sick today was a major blessing.

There is something so peaceful about waking up and feeling no pressure to do anything or please anyone.  I held on to the quiet moments as I made a latte and sat down with a book (a non-school book, hooray!) and some Jadon Lavik hymn remakes. Eventually  I buckled down and did some homework, but I kept remembering something that an aunt of mine used to tell me. Something about how getting sick was God's way of telling us to slow down in life, to stop pushing ourselves so hard.

Nursing school is full of pushing. Your parents push you, your classmates push you, your instructors push you, and goodness, you push yourself. You always have to do better, be a better nurse because people's lives are in your hands. But there's a point that when you're pushed so much that you get pushed down instead of being pushed forward. And that's when it's time to take a moment. Breathe. Have some coffee. Spend time with the Creator. Enjoy the morning sunshine.


 

to catch you up

Warning: this is just a life update. Not deep or insightful or anything.
It seems as if I begin each journal entry, each email and each blog post with, "I moved to such-and-such city last month." or "I'm dating someone amazing." And my personal favorite, "I GOT ENGAGED!!!... Several months ago." I'm horrible at updating everything and everyone. Thank goodness that Facebook lets me update my relationship status.

I'm engaged by the way. No big deal. (Super big deal.) And moved to Portland.

This is where he asked me to marry him--Bridal Veil Falls in the Columbia River Gorge.

 The rock we're standing on stuck out into the middle of the river, putting us close enough to feel the spray from the falls. Here's the perspective from downstream; the waterfall is just around the corner on the right.

It was awesome. And the man I'm marrying is awesome too! I'm so blessed.

I'm in my junior year of nursing school right now and loving (almost) every second of it. It's a wonderful thing when you know you're right where you need to be. I've been learning so much about so many things and I'm finally starting to feel like I know a little bit about how the human body works. It's about time!

I've also been learning a lot about myself the past several months. A few things on the list:
-I have anxiety.
-If I don't control my anxiety by keeping my mind and body healthy, school is really hard.
-I really like The Office.
-Despite being an introvert, I do enjoy having friends. And I need to spend time with them.
-I'm a hypochondriac. (Not actually new.)
-I self-diagnose constantly in nursing school. (Newer.)
-I've got to be OK with who I am whether I have that diagnosis or not. (Newest.)
-I miss owning a dog.
-I'm hopelessly in love. (Not a new thing, but I'm reminded again every day!)
-Wedding planning is really stressful--and hard!. (I have a man and a dress. Isn't that enough?)
-Portland, while hipster and full of coffee, isn't that great. What is this 'sun' anyway?
-I love being ultra-organized. And planning for everything.
-I love making lists.

I've probably learned more. Goodness, I hope I have. But when I read posts from other bloggers about how they're struggling and succeeding in life, it makes me feel connected somehow. It's nice to know I'm not alone. You're not either.

"Sometime smiling is the best act of defiance, 
and sometimes asking for help is the most meaningful form of self-reliance. 
Sometimes the best medicine is just to laugh until you cry,
and sometimes the greatest wisdom comes from accepting you will just never know why. 
Sometimes just going to bed is the best antidote to trials and tribulations,
and sometimes just being blessed to get up again and face it all, 
for one more day, 
is worthy of celebration." -Unknown

notes of encouragement.

I needed some of these verses today. I'm guessing it's never a bad day to hear these words. Peace. Don't we all need it now? 

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." -John 16:33 

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6 

"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." -2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distress, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." 
-2 Corinthians 12:9,10

"Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you." -John 20:21

"When Heaven Weeps"

"What a terrible thing it is for children to see death, you say. We have it all wrong. If you make a child terrified of death, he won't embrace it so easily. And death must be embraced if you wish to follow Christ. Listen to his teaching. 'Unless you become like a child... and unless you take up your cross daily, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.' One is not valuable without the other."

-Ted Dekker

All Things In Common!

This is an excerpt from the article "5 Churchy Phrases that are Scaring Off Millennials" by Addie Zierman. Below is one of the phrases and an explanation of it that I resonated with.

(You can read the whole article here.)

"“God is in control . . . has a plan . . . works in mysterious ways”

Chances are we believe this is true. But it’s the last thing we want to hear when something goes horribly wrong in our life. We are drawn to the Jesus who sits down with the down-and-out woman at the well. Who touches the leper, the sick, the hurting. Who cries when Lazarus is found dead…even though he is in control and has a plan to bring Lazarus back to life.

You’ve heard us say that we like Jesus but not the church, and it’s not because we’re trying to be difficult. It’s because the Jesus we read about enters into the pain of humanity where so often the church people seem to want to float above it."

And she draws everything together in conclusion...

 "In the end, it’s not really about what churches say or don’t say. What millennials want is to be seen. Understood. Loved. It’s what everyone wants, really. And for this generation of journeyers? Choosing honesty over cliché is a really great place to start."

I'm not really sure I need to elaborate. But this tugs at my heart. There's something so beautiful and raw about embracing the pain instead of pretending it's not there. Sometimes we don't want an answer--we just want to be held, and we want someone to cry with us. Jesus did that... Jesus does that! I would love to see churches crying, laughing, praising...together.

"Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and [i]sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding [j]to their number day by day those who were being saved." -Acts 2:43-47

I've Been Inside Too Long