A Dying Flame

This fire consumes
What little is left
Embers like pain
Still burning deep

I try to back away
My smoke stung eyes
Still searching
For some escape

Flames licking
At my feet
No matter where
I try and run

So I sit here
And let this fire
Devour me
Wholly and completely

Making charcoal
Of my bones
Crumbling
Into dust

But when these flames
Have died
And the coals
Have all turned black

I will rise
From the ashes
And find my heart again

Insomnia

Well, lack of sleep is encouraging me to write. Honestly, it's not even that late... 20 minutes past midnight to be exact. But for someone who loves sleep as much as I do... it's late. There's so much swirling through my mind right now. I was reading Owl City's blog tonight, and I really like the way Adam describes this phenomenon:

"It’s funny how insomnia has a way of hauling faded memories up from the cellar of the mind, unearthing buried bits of nostalgia from deep within and spreading the broken, jagged pieces out in front of you like a display of junk at a garage sale. It makes you feel cheap and guilty when you didn’t do a thing in the world to kindle the dull burn in your veins or the sting in your eyes. Some nights the painful past unexpectedly pushes up through the floorboards like an ugly nightmarish weed, and by doing so, cultivates and nurtures an entirely new species of headache." (http://owlcityblog.com/2011/05/31/cue-the-sun/#more-5512)

And oh, is this ever true! At the moment, my head feels like ants are gnawing away at my brains, and then crocheting the bits and pieces left into a nice heavy blanket.......... Yes, I do realize that it makes no sense. Thanks for letting me know. But really, I think insomnia does have a way of bringing back memories. It's almost like scraping the scab off of a wound--recent or not. So what is one to do in this situation?
#1) Don't make any big decisions

#B) Stay 'out of this world' with any thoughts-- don't think too deeply or seriously

#4) Stop reading random blogs and go to bed

Now, if only I'd take my own advice.... 

Something Beautiful

Something Beautiful by NeedToBreathe

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

In a daydream, I couldn't live like this
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up, and all I want, I have
You know its still not what I need
Something beautiful

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful


This song really grabbed me tonight. How many times do we look at our lives and say, "I just want something to go right! I want that something beautiful." Reality is, we can't find it on our own. We've got to go to the guy who created that something beautiful! And man, it's hard to really trust God, especially after so many people in life let us down. Is He going to let us drown? It's crazy to think that after we've been hurt so many times that the one person that we can't see, the person we have to have faith to believe his very existence, is the one we can trust the most. We are the safest with the one we can't fully understand. Now, I've only glimpsed beauty... but guys, this is where it is. This is the real deal. This is what you've been waiting for.

Oh and hey, the music video is pretty awesome too! Check it out on youtube:
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq1H3l7kyYU&feature=related

How's this for a first post?

I just realized that I've created a blog... that most likely no one will be interested in reading. I've simply created it to convince myself of my own sanity. When in reality, this blog will probably be the cause of the lack thereof.... Great.