Loved, Lost, Lived

It's been a long cold night
Don't want to admit to lonliness
I'm fine on my own
But I still think about you now and then

And we both went different paths
And we've traveled different ways
Parting isn't always so cruel

And we're both different people
And we both had to change
Maybe it's better this way

I don't hate you
No it's not like that at all
I wish it would have turned out differently
But this is life and these are the choices that we've made

And this life is
Beautiful
Beautiful
Beautiful

Light Up The Sky

"Come on, you gotta come see the lightning!" My dad drug my reluctant body out of bed. I was so relaxed, so ready to drift off to sleep. But we grabbed some blankets and headed outside. 


At least one bolt every ten seconds. It seemed to be the storm of the year.

The lighting was about 10-20 miles away towards the northeast, licking the sand dunes with it's fury. Sometimes two or three bolts would hit the ground at the same time. Sometimes the lightning would branch from cloud to cloud, seeming to brighten the entire valley.

Dad started humming an old tune, one by Dolly Parton and Willie Nelson.


"When I see the clouds form a black summer windstorm 
That uproots the harvest and hurls it away
In the midst of such anger, destruction and danger
The storm's even beautiful in its own way."

Empty Space

My parents are painting and putting new flooring in their bedroom. The large room is completely empty, and has much better acoustics than anywhere else in the house. So last night I sat alone on the plywood with my guitar, and sang. I sang songs I needed to sing, with words I needed to hear. I strummed different chords, remembering song after song, some old, and some new. And then I remembered. It was a song I'd written the summer before, during pain, loneliness and heartache. Those same feelings were resurfacing, so as I watched the glowing sunset out the window, I sang the song that has become my prayer.

I know your love should be enough
I know I shouldn't need more
But I still yearn for what I've lost
I'm still bitter for the pain I bore

I know your arms are holding me
But they're only in my mind
I miss what was here, what was real
I guess healing takes some time

So don't give up on me
Please don't give up on me

Lord, I know you've got some plans
I'm not sure if this was in them
But it still hurts and all I'm longing for
Is someone to take my hand

So don't give up on me
Please don't give up on me

Pick me up and carry me
Into your undying love
Let your awesome grace surround me
Don't ever let me leave

...and don't give up on me.

Call My Name

I'm not who I am

And I'm far from who I want to be

Every ounce of me wants to pack up and leave

Maybe if I go away 

I can change into who I'm supposed to be

Only God knows who that is anyway

I can't stop the demons 

From breaking into my dreams

But they don't leave even after I wake up

And if I ever met the devil

I'd tell him that he failed

Even though he's almost killed me many times 

And I know you're not a drug 

And I know you're not a fix all 

But at least can you just hold me for tonight?

I miss being in your presence 

I miss knowing that you're near

And I'd give up everything just to hear you call my name

All the Best People

"Have I gone mad?"
"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are." 

-Alice in Wonderland

I Have a Long Way to Go

    I'm reading a book called A Million Miles in A Thousand Years by Donald Miller, and he talks a lot about stories. He says that our lives are like stories, and we control how they're written. We can take the pen ourselves, give the pen to those around us, or give it to God to write our story. Even though one can write a story though, the character still can do whatever he wants. He also says that for a story to be interesting, to be a good story, the character has to change. There has to be an inciting incident that makes the character rethink his path, or change directions somehow. I'm ready for some change. I'm ready to make my life story a good one. 


"I am always tired
I won't sleep tonight
And I am all run dry
I can't turn off the light

Because all that I've been living for
Is a better way to make it
All that I've been living for is a dream
With the magazines and television
Calling out my name
All that I want lately is a change

The lights, yellow and white
Are all I'm thinking of these days
And time will change our minds
But not as fast as mine

And I found that I am not so strange
And I found that I have a long way to go

Because all that I I've been living for
Is a better way to make it
And that I've been living for is a dream
With the magazines and television
Calling out my name
All that I want lately is a change."
-Noah Gundersen 

I Won't Give Up

I'm a pretty big supporter of To Write Love On Her Arms. I've struggled with depression, self-injury, and suicide, and I love how TWLOHA is such a great resource for anyone going through tough stuff like that. Anyway, I was browsing their website tonight, and I found a video on their blog of Jason Mraz explaining the meaning behind his song I Won't Give Up (One of my favorites!). It love how real Jason was about his experiences, and how he somehow puts his emotions into song. I wish I could write music like that! Anyway, I just thought it was pretty awesome and wanted to share. Enjoy!

I Won't Give Up (VH1 Storytellers Sneak) - Music Videos - Live Performances