Thrive

I've been working at a summer camp in western Washington for the past few weeks, and I'll be here for most of the summer. It's been an amazing experience so far. I traveled by myself to start a job where I didn't know any of my coworkers, and had only met my boss once (and I had forgotten what he looked like in the process). But being here, by myself essentially, has been one of the most fulfilling things I've done. And camp has just started.

Today is my first 'day off' in about 2 weeks. I promised myself that I'd go running this morning. However, in my hurry to leave camp and find some form of coffee, I forgot. I'm learning to forgive myself for things like that. I'm learning to find balance between social time and 'me' time. I'm learning to take advantage of the opportunities I have, even if I don't feel like it. I'm learning to listen to myself more, and I'm learning what I actually want in my life.

But mostly, I'm learning to believe. Over the past couple months, God's been teaching me about something I've heard called the 'ugly-beautiful (from Ann Voskamp?). It seems like my eyes have always seen, and maybe even have looked for, the ugly. The sin. The bad. But I'm learning--learning to look for the beautiful.

It's so hard.

It's hard to find beauty when a little one tells me she hasn't seen her daddy in 6 years. When a scared teenage girl is forced to get an abortion by an insistent mother. When most of the earth is starving. When our so-called wonderful world is in shambles.

But I'm learning. Because when I see these same people who have had their being ripped out from under them survive, I see the beauty. I listen to the man who's teenage daughter drowned while swimming proclaim the love and mercy of his savior, and I can see. I watch as a woman who has been plagued for years with numerous health problems place her family first. I see the struggling couple smile at the simple enjoyment of their dogs. And I can see.

I'm not alright with the pain and injustice in the world. My life will be a constant fight against the pain that I see.

But I will struggle. I will struggle to find the beauty, to open my eyes to the good. I will find the heaven on earth, because I know Jesus is here in the midst of this chaos. I will learn to appreciate the ugly because of the beauty that emerges from it.

"I want to thrive, not just survive." -Switchfoot

Too Many Crunchy Apples

I ate an apple tonight. I knew that Mumford and Sons was playing in the background, but I couldn't hear the music above the fruit I was crunching on. This elementary realization stopped me. A whisper. "Sometimes you crunch so loud that you forget to be still and listen to what I'm saying."

Love Today

Sometimes I don't want to look out of the window in the morning because I'm afraid that the sun won't be shining. After what seems like an eternity of dreary clouds, my skin is itching to feel warm rays blasting 'happy vitamins' into my skin. This morning I was brave, and I threw back the curtains. The heavens were a light grey. I watched the deathly bare branches jutting harshly against the pale sky, and I decided to try to love today anyway.

Keep In Touch

My dog has been doing this weird thing ever since I got home for Christmas break. She usually sleeps in my parents bedroom while I'm at college, but when I'm home I like to drag her in and cuddle with her at night. But she rebels. She insists on us leaving our doors open so that she can go from room to room in the house at night, spending a few hours with me, and a few hours with my parents--just to makes sure we're all still there. I have a dog who considers it a priority to keep in touch with her family. Score.

Soul Whispers

There's a certain peace you can find if you sit long enough by a body of water and just listen. If you are able to silence all of those rambling thoughts your mind is spitting at you, you can hear it. It's an inner knowing deep in your soul. And if you listen very closely, sometimes it is laced with whispers from the heavens. 

Coming Untrue

The winter can make us wonder
If spring was ever true
But every winter breaks upon
The Easter lily's bloom
Could it be everything sad is coming untrue?
Could you believe everything sad is coming untrue?
-Jason Gray

Just Because

My truck battery was dead. I left a dome light on, and I knew if my dad ever found out, I would never hear the end of it. The first person that popped into my head was an old friend from high school. I called him right away. He came, snickered at my headlamp, jumped my truck, and got back in his car to leave. I told him that I definitely owed him. "If there's anything I can ever do to pay you back, let me know."

"No Emily. Friends don't owe friends." 

It was that light-bulb moment Gru has in Despicable Me. 

Friendship suddenly made sense. 

It's that relationship where if they need something, you're always there--because you want to be. They're the first person you call when you need help, and you're the first person they tell when they get great news. 

I hate making obvious connections, but this is totally what Jesus does. He's that guy who did us a favor we can never repay him for. It doesn't matter though because we're friends with him, and "friends don't owe friends." But knowing he did that for us stirs inside of us a love for him. And so when he 'calls in a favor' to us, asking us to come with him, completely trust him, and follow him wherever, we do. Not because we feel like we need to since he died for us, but just because we want to.